


Baby, I'm too drunk too love you

by Slowmotion_TM



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Five and Lila are bad at feelings, Non-Graphic Violence, but they rather drink and fight instead of talking about it, lila centric, they both have issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slowmotion_TM/pseuds/Slowmotion_TM
Summary: Fives and Lilas relationship told over the course of five drinks.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy/Lila Pitts, implied Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts, referenced Number Five | The Boy/The Handler (Umbrella Academy)
Kudos: 19





	Baby, I'm too drunk too love you

1.Champagne

She took a sip out of the glass in front of her, while murderously starring down the wall behind her mother.

„I will kill him.“, she muttered, while she took another sip. Champagne was not her favourite type of drink, and would it not be for her mother and the need for a sedative, she probably wouldn't have even touched the glass.

Her mother seemed to be more interested in her nails, than the homicidal plans of her daughter. „I’m sure you will, honey...“

Feeling a slight jab of hurt pride at the condescending tone and a light heat in her face from the alcohol, she jumped up. „I mean it. I’ll kill Diego. And right after him your little favourite Number Five.“ She slamed the empty glass down onto the desk.

The Handler finally looked up from her nails, only to let out a small chuckle. „Ah, young love. How I envy you.“ Her white teeth were sharp and dangerous, like the predatory smile of a shark.

Lila furrowed her brows, anger rose up in her chest again. „Me liking Diego, was all an act. You know that.“

The Handler just noded, while refilling her empty glass. Her eyes glinted dangerously. „I wasn’t talking about Diego.“

2.Scotch

It started, like it always started. She kicked him in the stomach, he punched her square in the face. Talking about chivalry being dead. Klaus left the kitchen in a hurry the second, the fight broke out.

There was something feral in Fives expression- something, that did not belong on a human being. She didn’t judge him too much, though. She knew, she looked just as unhinged. 

It always started like this. Somewhere in between he choked her and she bit him. She screamed about her _petty little revenge_ \- as he called it- while he laughed and laughed and laughed, until he bashed her head against the kitchen counter. 

That’s how it usually went. What was unusual however, was how it ended.

Luther burst through the kitchen door, with Klause carefully tailing him. He stopped very abruptly and looked dumbfound at the sight on the floor. 

„You said, they were about to kill each other.“ He turned to Klause, who looked even more confused, than his brother.

„They were!“ He threw his arms up in a desperate manner.

„We were.“ Lila tried to solidify the others statement, while raising the bottle in her hand. 

„And while, I was beating her head against the counter, we found a bottle of scotch.“ Five didn't even bother to look at his siblings- just remained laying down at the floor and starring at the ceiling, his half full glass still in hand. 

„So, you’re good, to be left alone again?“ Luther asked carefully, still torn about Fives excessive use of alcohol.

„Totally...“ Lila took another swing, before Five wrangled the bottle out of her hands and finished it alone. She just stuck out her tongue at him and lied back down. 

Life was great, she thought. Life could be so great, if you could just lie on the floor of- not even your kitchen, with your worst enemy, sharing a bottle of scotch.

With that thought, she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

3.Whiskey

„Aaand there goes our informant.“ She looked disappointedly after the men, that just left the bar. He recognized them too early, rendering their supposed disguise to nothing. He wasn’t important anyway. They could always track down a different guy, who’d sell them the information. Or they’d find this one later again. It didn’t really matter now anyway.

„Sooo...“, she drew out. That seemed to do the trick. Fives sour expression darkened even a little bit further, as he turned to her. He seemed way more pissed about the deal, than she was.

„What?!“, he spat out, and for a second, she was sure, he’d throw his glass at her.

„Oh, come on! Our work for tonight just went down the drain. Might as well enjoy a night out, what do you say?“ She held up a newly ordered bottle of whiskey suggestively. 

His face relaxed and the tension in his shoulder bled away. Wordlessly he pushed his glass towards her. She filled it up a little bit too much, but then, she knew, what he could handle.

Hours later and they still hadn't left the bar. Her feet were probt up on the table and Five lost his blazer somewhere between the seventh and the eight shot. She was drunk and talking about everything that came to her dazed mind- talking about life and making stupid jokes, that were only funny, if both parties were past their fifth shot.

And then he almost choked on his drink. 

But he didn't choke. He was laughing, she realized. He was drunk and tried and laughing so hard, he almost spat out the one thing, he loved more then coffee- _because of her_. Because she made him laugh. Somehow that filled her with more enjoyment than the thought of his death.

It was getting late, and the others would worry, if they spent any more time here. Slowly she got up and pulled him alongside her out of the bar. „Lets get you home, darling. You had a bit too much.“ 

He let her drag him around like a rag doll and didn't complain, even when she stuffed him into the back seat of the cab.

„Darling?“ He had both his eyebrows raised and the most horrible grin on his face. She rolled her eyes. 

„Maybe I had a little bit too much as well.“

Maybe

4.Tequila

She didn't particularity enjoy the drink. Five didn't either. The old man only ever drank _typical old man drinks_. But it didn't matter what he liked or didn't like, because she wasn't even drinking with him.

Diego held out a glass for her, and she accepted it gratefully. She wasn't going to be a bitch about everything after all. 

Diego was tall and strong and handsome. He didn't constantly insult her and their conversations never felt like stepping onto a landmine. He listened to her and cared about her. He didn't kill her family. She had no reason to hate him. It would be so easy, if she could just love him. But see, easy was never her thing.

Lila leaned her head against Diegos broad chest and wished, he’d be Five. She almost didn't feel bad about it.

5.Rum

Usually mortal enemies didn't end up sharing a cigarette and a bottle of rum, after a fight. And it was one hell of a fight. Her jaw still ached and she could see the dark bruises starting to form on his face.

Usually people didn't share a smoke outside, in the middle of winter with the killer of their family and the subject of their never ending hatred and revenge. 

But usually people also didn’t fell in love with their boyfriends brother, who also, just to make the whole thing more complicated, than it needed to be, slept with their mother.

Usually people weren’t jealous of the affair of their parents. 

But everything was different, when it came to Five. She wondered, if he knew. Wondered, if he’d be surprised, if she would kiss him right now.

As it turns out, he wasn't. But there was no obnoxious smirk on his face either. Only a soft smile, she didn't knew , he was even capable of.

...oh...

That was all she needed for an answer.

Lila pretended, she didn't notice Diego quickly fleeing the porch of their house, as she went in for another kiss.


End file.
